Back Home Again….

Ah… It was heaven getting back again! Back to my own bed…

And back again to see Helena! I missed her SO much! It’s incredible how much I missed her… Going back was such a long journey! And the moment I saw her again at the airport was magical. It seemed as if she had grown just in the 10 days, I have been gone. It’s incredible.

Now it’s back to working life, but I suspect it will take a while. Still being a bit worn out from the travel and a bit jetlagged. But I have to attend a staff meeting tonight, and then tomorrow I am back at full throttle. I have to admit that I kind of missed the kids and my collagues. Kind of pathetic I guess, but on the other hand I guess it’s good that I really love my work.

Arghh….

So, I am awake… way too early in NYC, so I thought, I would finally get my blog/homepage sorted out, but it is already giving me a headache! I want to have a frontpage, with a welcome bla bla, then a blog page, and then a lot of other pages, but I just can’t seem to work out how to do it… It’s killing me! Or maybe it’s the lack of sleep…

New York New York…

You have conquered me… I am down and out! You are so big, so vast and so diverse that my head is spinning after having spend 36 hours here.

We are staying in a hotel near Koreatown, and I am baffled… I think that’s the best term I can use to describe my feelings about being here.

The moment I step outside the frontdoor of my hotel, I am hit by a thousand different sounds, smells and sights. Voices in all sorts of accents speak to me in an evergrowing cresendo that leaves me feeling like a deaf…

NEW YORK!!!!

Gosh…

I am SO tired!!! Working is a bitch compared to being a student! Of course there are certain benefits… I am actually off in the weekends and don’t HAVE to study, but still… Episodes from the previous week’s work keeps on going through my mind, and I am afraid that I have to admit that I might be a little stressed. But at least all papers concerning our house and M’s kids are now signed by both parties. It is a huge relief, but I can not help still being a little skeptical. I am somehow pretty sure that it wont just be smooth sailing from now on.

Plans for the weekend? I was suppose to go out tonight, but Helena needs me more than ever these days, so I am kind of confined to the house or at least to events, where I might be able to bring her along. At least we had some really good news yesterday. One of Helena’s best friends from Kindergarten will also be attending one more year before going to school.

We had him over for a playdate yesterday, and he was also suppose to spend the night, but he ended up waking up around midnight and feeling terribly homesick. Poor little guy. Fortunatly we live five minutes apart, so he was picked up and everything was fine.

I just realised yesterday that NYC is just around the corner… What do I pack? I feel so damn out of loop, and am pretty sure that I am gonna look like a real idiot tourist… I mean, this is NYC… Well, I just hope the weather will be nice. My bones need warm, sunny weather! Hell, my soul need warm sunny weather!

She did it!!!

She signed the papers!!! M’s ex finally signed the papers!!! Now we have an actual piece of paper that we can refer to, when she breaks the deal!!!! And she willl. I have no doubt about that. She is, what she is… and will be, what she will be. It already started half an hour after M came home from the meeting…. Jeeez…

M is leaving in ten minutes…

to see his ex… Hopefully he will return home with a signed agreement concerning the children. My stomach hurts, churns and my heart is racing. I am hoping and praying that this will be part of the solution… Part of the proces to eradicate his ex’s influence over our lives and our way of life. I doubt it. But I certainly hope so.

The battle has been ongoing for such a long time… Basically ever since I met M, him and his ex have been in bitter conflict over the children. A battle that has eaten me, him, Helena and most of all their own kids.

As I wrote in an earlier post, I can not understand how someone would possibly want to hold their own children hostage in a conflict like she has done. I simply don’t understand. She once wrote me an email, stating that I had been through a similar process. Nothing could be further from the truth. Helena’s father and I are still very close friends, partners and have the utmost respect for each other. He is the father of the most precious thing in my life, and therefore I will always hold him in the highest regard. Couldn’t imagine anything else.

Once he moves back to Denmark, I will naturally include him as much as possible in Helena’s life, and even though it might pain me, I will even let her live with him most of the time, if it seems to be the best thing for her.

That’s what parenthood is about. Putting your child first… And taking responsibility for the pain you as an adult choose to inflict on them by separating.

I am engaged!!!

Yesterday M and I went to the jewellery store and ordered our engagement rings. We managed to find some simple, elegant and plain golden bands that we both really liked. Of course we weren’t able to bring them home straight away, since both M and I apparently don’t have fingers that are anywhere near a common size in Denmark.

S is a bit of a pain these days… Apparently she has a constant need to challenge me, which is quite tiresome, but on the other hand she seems to be smiling and doing fairly well.

M went to see a laywer last week, and he has set up a meeting with his ex tomorrow concerning the children. I hope and pray that we can finally put most of this ordeal behind us, but to be honest I doubt it. She has clearly demonstrated that she has no intention of ever leaving us alone little less respect us as a family, so to a certain extent there will be an ongoing conflict the rest of our lives. I only pray that we will be able to shield the children as much as possible.

I can not help but to wonder… I mean, one day the children are going to want some answers. They are going to want to know, why M and his ex parted, why they are not on speaking terms etc. So the more damage she does now… the harder the path for the future seems to be. Does she even consider this?

Anyways… by Friday I can hopefully finally exhale!

What to do in the weekends?

When I was studying weekends and weekdays were not all that different, since I pretty much had something I needed to study for all the time, but now that I have begun working, weekends have taken on a whole new different meaning.

First of all… they mean an opportunity to catch up on sleep! Secondly I don’t HAVE to study. I have stuff that I need to read for work, but the amount is nowhere near the amount I needed to read before. Thirdly they mean spending more time with the kids and giving them a chance to relax as well. Just like adults need it, kids need weekends to unwind as well.

Anyways, this weekend has been great. Friday evening we had dinner at my dad’s place together with my aunt and uncle.

Saturday morning came and went, I slept in late, Helena and M puttered around doing a lot and doing nothing. We had a late breakfast, then back in bed, while Helena watched movies and played, while M did some work. Then outside in the garden for an hour or so, Helena climbed all the trees, while I had to realise that I have no knowledge about gardening what so ever!

Then we went to my sister’s place, dropped off Helena, and went on to the theatre. We had tickets for “Mary Stuart” at Betty Nansen theatre. DAMN!!! We left in the intermission, cause both actors, direction and theatre sucked! Big time disappointment!!!

But we had a really nice Korean dinner, before we went back to fetch Helena. Then back home, Winnie the Pooh as a bedtime story for both Helena and me, and then M tucked Helena to bed… Meanwhile I was suppose to wait for him in bed, and make it a romantic evening… But… I fell asleep. And didn’t wake up until this morning.

It was the weirdest most myserious weather this morning… thick fog, pink light from the sun and slightly raining. It looked like something out of a dream.

Pancakes for breakfast and then we went to Gimle to an art and crafts session and a childrens’ flee market.

So kind of busy… or not busy but full and gone by ever so quickly. I wonder… I actually remember feeling bored some weekends, when I was a teenager. I wonder… will I ever have time to be bored again?

And now… Now the weekend is gone. In a nice

What a weekend!!!

So… Friday Helena was suppose to spend a night at a friend’s house for the very first time, but around 01:30 am the phone rang… Helena wanted to come home… She got home, and then she started throwing up and running a HIGH fever! This continued on Saturday… I got really nervous, she was like… not at all here.

M and I had a HUGE fight, and in my anger, I seriously considered leaving him…. Uh!!! I am so sich and tired of being under so MUCh pressure that I hardly have any strength to handle just a little tiny itty bitty discussion.

Today Helena and I went to the Royal Opera with my dad and saw “The Merry Widow”. It was okay… not at all the best, I’ve seen, and to be honest I was kind of disappointed with the opera house… It was kind of… unimaginative.

Anyways… looking forward to getting back to work tomorrow, so I should probably get some sleep… but am talking to my best friend on msn… so kind of hard to let the laptop go… Damn!

It’s A New Day…

But things seem very much the same as they did yesterday… And the day before… I miss my work. I didn’t realise how much of a refuge it is from all the shit that is going on at home. I am really happy with that job! Even though it’s busy and the pay is lousy,  it’s so rewarding both because of all the wonderful kids, I get to meet, but also because of my fantastic collagues. It is really amazing, how much chemistry with your co-workers mean. Even though I have been sick since last Friday, I didn’t call in sick before Wedensday, because I feel so lucky to work in such a wonderful place.

But at home… Things with M are suffering heavily due to all the stress his ex is causing… and it is a LOT of stress!!!